Seeking Relationship Counselling in Kitchener
Have you ever watched the movie ‘The Notebook’? The one based on the Nicholas Sparks novel of the same name, where the elderly Noah, played by James Garner, retells the love story between his younger self and Allie – his now elderly wife suffering from dementia. In the book, Noah reads to Allie every day from the diary where she wrote about their lives together, to help her remember how they fell in love. It’s a beautiful story of romance and young love, tangled up with passion, loss, fear and all the other wonderful and difficult emotions that come with relationships. If you haven’t read the novel or watched the movie, it is highly recommended.
While Noah and Allie’s love story certainly has the ability to tug on all our heart strings, it neglects to dive into the real, raw, beautiful and often-times less glamorous work of a relationship beyond the and they fell madly in love or the “I dos”.
For this reason, Sparks felt it necessary to write a sequel called ‘The Wedding’. ‘The Wedding’ dives into the relationship between Noah’s daughter, Jane, and his son-in-law, Wilson Lewis, who offers insight into the complexities of marriage from his perspective. To provide a brief summary, after 30 years of marriage, Wilson is forced to admit that the romance has left the relationship, but worse than that, he fears that there is also a high chance that Jane will leave him. In the beginning of the story, the reader is painted a picture of two fallible people who have thousands of justifications for spiteful actions thrust towards their partners as well as thoughts circling in their heads that they have little idea of how to effectively communicate to their respective partner. As a result, they remain silent and facilitate the broadening of the gap between them, forcing a scenario where two people who were once wholeheartedly connected now live as strangers within close proximity.
With their daughter’s wedding coming up, Wilson realizes he can use the event as an opportunity to prove to Jane his love for her, which has only deepened and intensified over the years, but unfortunately is something he has also kept entirely to himself. Throughout the novel, with the guidance of his father-in-law, Noah, Wilson finds subtle yet impactful ways back into the heart of the woman he adores.
Yes, ‘The Wedding’ is a fictional work, but the base of most romance stories are often founded on real-life scenarios.
The good news is that with some work and tools to aid in healthy communication, there can be a rekindling of love and a renewal of connection. It’s just a matter of seeking some help.
And that’s where relationship counselling can be helpful.
Relationship counselling: why we need it
What a lot of us come to realize, just as Wilson did, is that relationships and marriages are continuous hard work. You haven’t “made it” once you’ve moved in and put a ring on one another’s fingers. Whether it’s a 7-month relationship, or a marriage that has survived kids and is knocking on the door of a 20-year anniversary, it all requires kindling to get started and continuous feeding of firewood to keep it going.
Relationship counselling, marriage counselling or couples counselling can facilitate the process of renewal. It has been shown to help the relevant parties concerned to start a new relationship with each other, rather than continuing with business as usual.
According to Psychology Today, the fundamental goal of couples counselling is to adjust how both partners view the relationship. Counselling teaches both partners to respectfully confront each other, to genuinely listen to each other, and then to learn to see the relationship in a more objective manner. This then results in the lessening frequency of the “blame game” and instead turns the marriage or relationship into a collaborative team project – one where each partner listens and caters for one another’s needs.
The longer you have been in your relationship, the easier it is to get stuck in the way you view your partner. Without us realizing
it, this can interfere with your partner’s ability to make the changes you may have been requesting for years or even make you blind to the efforts that they put in. It’s not your fault, it is simply the human condition, but it is helpful to be aware of the ways you might try to derail or obstruct your progress.
If you want change to occur, you must be intentional about allowing for change.
Relationship Counselling in Kitchener
At COCA Psychotherapy we work with individuals who are struggling to make long-lasting changes in the way they communicate with others, set boundaries, or with those who are feeling stuck in a particular situation.
We have a diverse team of Kitchener therapists, who offer both individual and group therapy, as well as the opportunity to learn how to communicate better with your partner, spouse, or significant other. COCA Psychotherapy believes that the tools acquired in therapy will help you to improve your health, prioritize your wellness, your relationship with yourself and others and then with all the growth, ultimately flourish.
COCA therapists are highly skilled in marriage counselling, relationship counselling, and couples counselling in Kitchener, Waterloo. Just as Noah did with his son-in-law, we would love to help you with the process of rekindling the fire between you and your loved one, or even if it has come down to letting go, we can provide a healthy framework for you to use when it comes to going your separate ways.
Just remember, going to therapy does not mean that you have “failed” as a couple – everyone needs help. Therapy to help you when you’re feeling sad or overwhelmed should be as normal as going to the doctor when you have the flu, and it’s the same when it comes to relationships.